The desire of having and fear of losing something excessively - or in short, possessiveness - is an attitude that often arise in a relationship. Possessiveness is closely related to insecurity, unconfidence, loneliness, dependency, and fear of losing. This attitude can either be passive actions such as feeling unhappy and upset, or in form of aggresive actions such as controlling and assaulting their partners. Do you:
- Feel suspicious of your partner’s activities?
- Want to know what your partner do when you’re not with him/her?
- Feel upset when your partner talk with the opposite sex?
- Feel anxious when your partner doesn’t call you back or reply to your texts?
- Control with whom he/she can hang out?
- Feel can’t live without him/her?
- Spend most of your time for himself/herself?
If you answer most of the questions above with "yes" then you are being possessive of your partner. Is it dangerous? Of course, if you can't control it so that your partner feels his/her freedom is taken. The final result is predictable. Relationships that are no longer based on mutual trust and respect, won't last long. It's true that the desire to get something fun constantly - whether it is sex, happiness, or togetherness - is so human. However, if you can't control it, what happens is you'll never feel satisfied and your desire will turn into a demand that doesn't make sense to your partner.
There are some people who consider possessiveness is a proof of love because they feel possessiveness is identical to loyalty and caring. These people usually are in the early stages of relationships. However, at a later stage of relationships, the opposite things happen. Possessiveness is like a beautifully wrapped time bomb and the time bomb is jealousy, the desire to control, and mistrust. Many couples don't pay attention to possessiveness, so they have to undergo a relationship based on fear, suspicion and jealousy.
You already know that possessiveness is never right. If you're too possessive towards your partner then it's time to change yourself and your relationship.
1. Respect your partner's personal boundaries
Everyone has what is called privacy, even if that person is your partner. Eliminate the habit of checking your partner's cellphone, eavesdropping on telephone conversations, or reading your partner's e-mail because it's a major violation of a person's privacy. Those kind of habits are not the signs of love but anxiety and fear. You have to trust your partner and respect his/her privacy.
2. Give your partner freedom
Stop controlling with whom he/she can hang out and what activities he/she can do. Controlling him/her won't help your relationship at all because humans have the instict to rebel when their right to be free is taken away. Having him/her beside you, doesn't mean having his/her life as well. Let your partner do his/her own activities without constantly asking him/her, but of course you and your partner must be responsible to each other.
3. Don't buy affection
If you give something to your partner, give it sincerely, not because you want to exchange it for his/her attention and affection. Don't assume by giving him/her something, he/she owes you. Love is priceless and has no price tag.
4. Hang out with others
If you're being possessive because you are lonely or afraid to be ignored, increase your confidence and hang out with others. Take your time to have fun with your coworkers. It will help eliminate negative thoughts and anxiety.
5. Don't ignore your ambitions and interests outside your relationship
Balance your life between spending time with your partner and pursuing your dreams. You certainly have responsibilities outside your romance. Besides damaging your relationship, being too busy with your couple and failed to finish your responsibilities will ruin your life as well.
6. Be an independent person
You can't always rely on others because your partner also has personal interests he/she should think about. Do what you can do yourself. Learn to live without him/her because people, sooner or later, will eventually be separated from each other.