You dated someone in your class and you had an intimate relationship with him/her but the relationship didn't last long, because one day he/she seemed close to someone else. It made you hated that person because you were afraid he/she would be taken from you. Not only that, days that were usually filled with laughter and joy, now turned into hell.. Quarrelled everytime.
The illustration above is a scenario when your relationship with your partner is attacked by 'the little green monster' called jealousy. Jealousy is normal in relationships, but in many cases, this 'little green monster' can damage your relationship if not tamed. In general, the causes of jealousy are:
Jealousy is usually dominated by fear. Consciously or not, when your partner are hanging out, talking, or spending time with the opposite sex, you begin to feel threatened and fear of losing haunts you. In these circumstances, the human instinct to fight and defend his/her most precious possession will emerge. No wonder, people who are affected by jealousy often do desperate things or things that she had never done before. Past experience contributes to the emergence of excessive fear, for example his/her ex had an affair in the past. This experience will make a person try to prevent any potential threats that could lead to the same experience in the past.
2. Lack of trust
People who are just dating for several months are usually prone to suspicion. If you don't trust your partner, you'll begin to wonder if he/she likes someone else, anxious about your relationship, and you tend to be possessive. Lack of communication is the main cause that prevents the establishment of trust
3. Not confident
You feel inferior. You're afraid your partner will meet a better person. Do you think that you don't have any strengths? Do you feel jealous and resentful towards someone who close to your partner? If so, this is a bad news for yourself and your relationship.
'The little green monster' is not a creature that can't be defeated! Of course it can be defeated as long as you have willpower to preserve and develop your relationship.
1. Build your confidence
Love yourself for who you are. Focus on your strengths and uniqueness instead of worrying other people. Remember that anxiety won't change anything. Of course your partner won't choose you if you don't have something he/she loves. Never compare yourself with others because differences will always exist.
2. Talk with your partner
Good communication is a success key of relationships. Know your partner well and don't judge him/her without knowing the truth. Communicate your insecurity with your partner before accusing and blaming him/her. If you already know him/her well, you won't be easily affected by suspicion.
3. Ask others' opinions
Parents and good friends are the right people to be consulted because they are already familiar with you. Besides, you can ask your partner's good friends what really happened. Avoid talking about your problem in public place like on Facebook or Twitter because not all people deserve to know it.
4. Set boundaries
When you begin a relationship, specify what can and can't be done in your relationship. Given those boundaries, you and your partner will have rules to respect. For example: You two have an agreement that you may hang out with the opposite sex as long as you have a clear reason.
5. Learn from the past
If you have bitter experiences in the past - you've been betrayed by your ex - then use it to make yourself and your relationship get better, rather than use it as a reason for controlling your partner. You can't compare your partner with your ex obviously, because humans will never be the same.
6. Think positively
Avoid judging a situation without knowing the reality. What do you imagine aren't always what actually happened. Negative thoughts won't make things better, instead your relationship will get worse and you can't concentrate on other things because you're too focused on your imagination.
Jealousy - The Little Green Monster